Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Barack Obama to Publish New Book: How I Bought the Election

Satire by Jalapenoman for The Spoof.

Barack Obama has announced that he will finish work on his fourth book and publish it between now and when he officially takes office in January. The book, to be titled How I Bought the Election, will detail the strategies and decisions made by the Senator in his successful bid to become President of the United States.

Obama spent more than any other candidate in history to win the presidency. In fact, he spent more than all candidates combined in any of the previous presidential elections.

Fred Doubleday, editor at Conde Nast publications, gave this reporter some insights into the new book.

[$650 million in private campaign contributions]

The first section of the book will be titled: How to fool the media into gluing their lips to your ass and overlooking anything wrong with you. I think that one is pretty much self explanatory.

In his next section, he will cover religion. In one chapter, he will explain how a boy raised for several years by a Moslem father in a Moslem country who attended Moslem schools and a Moslem mosque can attempt to justify claiming to have never been a Moslem.

Another chapter in this section will describe how to get away with attending the radical church of a racist minister for twenty years and making him the Godfather of your children, while at the same time insulting the teachings of the Bible, makes you a Christian.

The last part of the book will deal with the final months of his campaign, where Obama will describe how to insult the qualifications of a Vice Presidential candidate who is even more qualified than you. He will teach you how to bring the indiscretions of family members' of the same candidate (that were also committed by your own mother) into the race. He will also teach readers how to call her a pig. All of this will, of course, be done to the cheers and support of his followers.

When asked what Obama planned to do with the proceeds of this book, which would probably be purchased by everyone seeking any political office (and all of the mice who follow him like the Pied Piper of Hamlin), Doubleday revealed that they will help to fund his re-election campaign and eventual self-coronation.

[The flip flop adds a nice touch, don't you think? - c]


Biased Girl said...

You are very witty! Followed the Digg list...I will definitely be back! Great read. :)